Stop Being a Controlling Ass
Because the things that frustrate us are often outside of our control.
For example, you might get frustrated if:
- You don’t get that promotion at work
- You don’t get invited to socialize when your friends do
- Your stocks don’t perform well because of “the economy”
- Nobody calls you
- Your neighbor has a nicer car than you
- It started thunder storming on your beach vacation
- Heck, maybe you just didn’t get enough sleep last night
That’s not to say you should never feel frustrated. But too often we let our [negative] emotions control our actions. The actions that we take then negatively impact our relationships. So you’re unhappy at work, unhappy at home, unhappy with yourself and before you know it the whole world is doing its darnedest to make you miserable.
Here’s the thing though, the world is going to continue doing what it does. People will do what they will, your job will do what’s best for them, friends invite whoever comes to mind, etc. Try as you might, we can’t control anyone other than ourselves. Sure we might have a certain amount of influence, but by and large what nature or the people around us do is ultimately up to them.
I’m assuming there aren’t many of us who have mind-control power or the ability to manipulate the weather.
So what then, do you resign to a life of nihilism because we ultimately have no control over our fate?
Remember, the only person/thing that we do have control over is ourselves. That doesn’t just mean you should tell yourself how to feel at any given moment (though you technically can), it means you can control which actions you do or don’t take, thereby crafting your own course in life.
Sure, luck does play a part in where some people end up, but you can increase your luck exponentially by putting yourself in a position to get lucky. i.e. you are far more likely to “get lucky” and find your soulmate (or a new friend) by putting yourself into social situations compared to sitting at home being a potato. Or say if you apply to 1000 jobs, your odds of getting an interview at your dream job are infinitely greater than applying to just one company.
You see, you can’t control what anyone else does. But you can control what you do, and ultimately control where you end up in life by taking consistent actions in the direction you want to go.
We spend far too much time worrying and complaining about this job not working out, sales not going up or the sky falling when instead we could see what isn’t working, and change our actions.
Your parents/kids never understanding you? Try expressing yourself in a different way! Observe what they do respond to and try that. Maybe they feel like they aren’t being heard or understood so try to understand them first. That’ll probably put them in a more receptive mood. When they do come around, understand that it wasn’t that you controlled their actions. You changed how you approached the situation, and thus created the opportunity for a different outcome.
Nobody likes to hear they’re being controlling. Nobody often feels like they are, and most who are don’t intend to be. I know I didn’t and don’t.
But we do.
Next time you feel something isn’t going your way, step back.
Think about how you might be trying to control the other person or situation and how you are being. Drop your ego, change your plan of action and move forward.